We All Have One (Part III)

This is part three of some posts I've done over about the last year or so about my own "Mr. Big". He's much younger and not nearly as big city or sophisticated, but his behavior over the past 10 years is SO Mr. Big. I'll never forget one of the first times I saw S&TC when it originally aired on HBO. I was a teenager and had always been pretty sheltered so I didn't get all the humor, but I immediately recognised Mr. Big's behavior.

In my last post I confessed that I was attending a wedding as his date. Ladies, what was I thinking? Did I really think it would be any different than it's always been? I guess I held out some hope that maybe this time things would turn out differently.

I arrived at his house on Friday evening (he lives where I'm from, about two hours from where I live currently). About as soon as I got there he started in on how much he's changed, he's back in church, and reading his Bible. He's been staying at home thinking about things and is making some changes for the better. Of course {although I was skeptical} I was happy to hear all this! That's what I've been praying for since I was a teenager.

We spent most of the day Saturday at the Fall Festival at his church. When we were dating we always attended his church, so his church is like family to me. It was a good day and I got a kick out of the kids in the youth group saying that my ex looks like "The Situation" from Jersey Shore. Haha!

That evening we went to the wedding. It was at his parents house, which is GORGEOUS, and it was a perfect wedding. Great atmosphere, great weather, great food. He and I were slow dancing and I was on Cloud Nine!! After the wedding we sat on his front porch and he was still telling me about how much he's changed.

Something didn't sit right with me. I've known him for 20 years, and after all this time, well-I just KNOW him. I did something sneaky, but I have to look out for my best interests. I've had plenty of experience "investigating" him, if you will. I waited until I was alone with his Blackberry and I had a quick peek. Going through it let me know he has NOT changed and is still the same person he's always been. Without revealing too much I'll just sum up what I found by saying he's up to no good. Needless to say that was VERY dissapointing, but I knew better than to really believe that he's changed and that it could be genuine.

All this really makes me mad. For one thing, if you've changed SO much, you shouldn't have to go around telling everyone (or updating your facebook status about church all the time). People can see that you've changed from how you are living your life, if it's sincere.

Secondly, change or don't change...do whatever you want to do. No judgement, I don't care what you do with your life. I'm FINE. I'm OK without him and I have friends here, a job, a social life, my gym, etc. BUT, don't go seeking me out, asking me to plllleeeaase see you and saying you've changed when you really haven't! Just leave me alone if you don't really mean anything you are saying. It's not like I would call him or text him - when I don't hear from him, I just go on about my life and don't initiate communication with him. HE is the one that asked ME to give him another chance, but I don't understand WHY since he clearly didn't mean it.

And of course, do you think I've heard from him since I've been back from the wedding weekend? NOPE! I'm fine, I haven't cried or anything, but sheesh. I just wish if he didn't want me he'd just stay gone instead of popping back on my radar just to play with my feelings.

And of course he always does so when I might actually be trying to like someone else or give someone else a chance.

SO, that is my Mr. Big update for you all. Hope everyone is having a good week. Yay for Hump Day!!

XOXO
Gamecock Queen